Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Beautiful Death

I have been enthralled with the autumn colors as of late. The rich reds, deep yellows, piercing oranges. They can move me to tears. But it occurred to me the other day: this beauty I love so much is caused by death. Not the death of the entire tree of course, but that of the leaves themselves. The tree sheds the leaves in order to save up its energy for the long winter ahead. It can't go on living and support its leaves at the same time.

I found this interesting in comparing it to my own life. I feel a "death" coming on of sorts. Or, at least I am hoping for one. The death of my anger. My insecurity. The lashing out of things in me that is "otherly". Things in me that need to be brought to the grave and buried in order for the source of my nourishment, my growth, to continue on and live to see another spring. But, in order for me to live on, I need to recognize the signs telling me to shed those parts of me that will only cost me my life. The nights getting longer, the day cooler. So, as I enter this valley of winter, I will try to drop my leaves, seeking inner nourishment for the time ahead. And I think it will be beautiful.

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