Beautiful Death

I have been enthralled with the autumn colors as of late. The rich reds, deep yellows, piercing oranges. They can move me to tears. But it occurred to me the other day: this beauty I love so much is caused by death. Not the death of the entire tree of course, but that of the leaves themselves. The tree sheds the leaves in order to save up its energy for the long winter ahead. It can't go on living and support its leaves at the same time.

I found this interesting in comparing it to my own life. I feel a "death" coming on of sorts. Or, at least I am hoping for one. The death of my anger. My insecurity. The lashing out of things in me that is "otherly". Things in me that need to be brought to the grave and buried in order for the source of my nourishment, my growth, to continue on and live to see another spring. But, in order for me to live on, I need to recognize the signs telling me to shed those parts of me that will only cost me my life. The nights getting longer, the day cooler. So, as I enter this valley of winter, I will try to drop my leaves, seeking inner nourishment for the time ahead. And I think it will be beautiful.

Shout-out to my hubby

When Jason leaves on a trip, I miss him something fierce right away. This time is no exception. After taking him to the airport at the wee hours of the morning, I went home and back to bed. Still to awake and turn over to his cold side of the bed that was warm with him a few hours before. I think it's in these moments of longing and of my heart stretching in pain that I realize how much I love him and how much I have. Here are a few that I think about:

I love kissing his temple and smelling his skin and hair
I love laying next to him, wrapped up like a fragile package
I love when he walks in the door at the end of the day, sleeves rolled up and hair a little less perfect from the long day
I love the smell of his shirts after he's worn them
I love finding his notes to himself throughout the day
I love the sweet text messages he sends me as he's going to bed in a far away hotel
I love his goofiness and spaziness in the morning after he's taken a shower
I love when he lies on top of me and the weight encompasses me
I love coming home to him
I love making dinner for him
I love being loved by him

My dear, sweet husband: Come home to me soon. I miss you.

(Business?) Trip

A weekend in San Francisco:

Fleet Week flying over the bay

Blue Angles from on top of Alcatraz

Cute little trees from our view

Amazingly large succulents on Alcatraz

A beautiful sunset view on the plane ride home.


A few highlights:

Eating lunch with Jason at his favorite lunch spot
Drinks and great conversation at our favorite speakeasy
Meeting an old friend from college and meeting her 3 adorable children
Sitting outside on a beautiful day,
sketchbook in hand listening to the new Damien Jurado
Time with my best friend.

Rocky Mountain High

I have fallen in love.
With the Colorado Rockies.

Aspen trees everywhere were in brilliant golden yellows and just beginning to turn orange. I didn't want to leave. The hillsides and valleys were dotted with streams of yellow aspens, glittering in the sun peaking though the puffy white clouds.

The wedding went wonderfully. I was gladly put to use decorating the reception "tent" and in charge of ALL the flowers: four maid-of-honor bouquets, the bridal bouquet, and the cake. I think they turned out pretty good. Given there was only one kind of flower to work with.

The cake.

The bride's bouquet.

Beautiful fall colors.

My love and me among the aspens.

Taking a drive.

Why do these trees undo me like this? (Sorry for the sideways, don't have time to fix)

Hillsides of the Rockies.

Although there were so many trees around, I was still finding moments of not breathing well at 10,000 feet. Can't imagine why...


In other news:
Jason is being whisked away to San Fransisco either in 2 hours, or 20. I can't decide if I like knowing ahead of time to prepare myself for his being gone (but also in turn somewhat have a looming feeling about it), or have it sprung upon me and within a few hours he'll be gone.

Oh, but for a small $450 I could go with. I think at this point, the company should pay, no? Besides, he's going to be gone all of next week and then my father will be here on the days we normally have to ourselves leaving us (minus a few short hours on Friday night) no real alone time until Sunday, October 12th - which is his birthday.

Disclaimer:
I am in no way blaming Jason - it is my fault too. Our schedules these days are just a little extra difficult and I'm working a lot of weekends and weeknights.

However, fall is among us, and the trees are showing off.
I think I might just go admire them a bit.

Tuesday Tiddings

So, my manager at work was talking about working at Anthropology...part time. They get a 40% discount on clothes and 25% discount on home wears. Oh...danger. I could see it already: pay time comes, and they are asking me for more money as I'm spending even more than I'm making. But, if you think about it this way:

Minimum wage is what? Around $8 an hour?
Let's say I worked just a measly 4 hour shift, to start.
That's around $80 - roughly.
Let's say there's a coat, or a pair of pants, or a dress at oh, about $160.
I work one shift, buy an item.
Work another shift, buy another item.
Work 2 shifts, buy a new comforter or something...

If I just thought about it that way: Trading a shift for something to buy, well, I just might really start considering this. Plus with the holidays coming up, they could definitely use the extra hours, I'm sure. And if I go to the store downtown, I could just take the bus on Mondays and Tuesdays, which are my days off from the spa...hmm...

In other news:

Highlights from this weekend:

Umber's first show here in the Emerald City
Spending 28 hours with my friends
Noodle soup + rainy day + 4 bosom ladies
Calling in sick to take care of myself
An ENTIRE day with my hubby
Brunch and wine at Cafe Champagne
Impressionist exhibit at the SAM (um, not so impressive)

Finally

Finally I am able to breathe and my chest does not feel heavy.
Finally I am able to look at my lover
and feel nothing but over-pouring love once again.
Finally we got a quiet moment alone.

Yesterday we celebrated 2 years of marriage at the parent's cabin on Hat Island. What a much-needed escape it was. Being we were there from Sunday evening until Tuesday evening, there were not more than a handful of souls on the island, including the workers dredging the marina (what an awful, repetitive job if I must say so myself).
We walked the perimeter of the island in the warm morning sun, played golf in the shade of the afternoon trees, lounged, loved, listened to the ocean, and even saw a seal on the beach.

Lately we have been
so
DAMN
BUSY!!!

and stressed.

Last week (yes, I haven't even checked my e-mail since then), I worked 55 hours, 6 days, split shifts and never ending days.
I think I ate dinner before 9pm once.

Why is it that those you surround yourself with because you bask in their company and love with every fiber of your being can be the ones that will drive you utterly mad?
I am not pointing any finger, either. I know I am the same way.
It just seems upside down to me.

Loved ones: I am glad you are in my life, driving me mad.
I wouldn't want it any other way.

Locks of Looming Despair

Ugh, I HATE when this happens. Why am I SO unclear as to what I want? A little darker doesn't mean black. And a little richer doesn't mean cherry red. But, I don't think I'm that unclear. I just don't think people listen.

I don't even want to post a picture of myself
for I hate it.

I went from cute little bouncy thing
to depressed goth morbid thing.

It's amazing how something so seemingly small and insignificant (and fast growing) can cause so much grief and self-loathing.

Ugh.

Well, I was almost eaten alive last night by the biggest spider I have EVER seen. Almost. Except I have mad ninja skills. And a sprayer on my kitchen sink.


Sorry my little succulents, I'm taking a lot longer to paint this table that I thought it was going to take me. You'll have to wait a few more days outside.

So, I don't know if I've adequately conveyed how much

I FREAKING LOVE FALL

It is my favorite season. It is perfect in all ways. The cool change in the air draws my soul into thanksgiving beyond containment, and the low sun in the sky bids me outdoors to bask in it's rays as its days are threatening to be shorter. The trees are all dressed to their best in the most beautiful fall colors and the rich harvest from summer is at its most delicious. Every minute I spend indoors makes me antsy to be out in the most perfect season.

I am a greedy person about my time spent in the autumn

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns."
-George Eliot

Secret Life of Singleness

Inspired by Umber, who was inspired by moi in our love of list-making, this one I have been secretly waiting for Jason to travel away so that I can make this list! And today is just that day, for he's in the air as I type this. It is just as it sounds: all the quirky habits I have when alone at home with no one to spy on my except my lovable pup.

The Secret Life of Singleness
Go to be WAY early (I limit myself to 8:30 pm at the earliest)
Cook tons of veggies in ways that Jason wouldn't like
Clean my house and watch it stay clean!
Watch girly or kid movies
Read for hours before going to bed
Sometimes procrastinate on doing the dishes (shh!)
Bring all my art supplies upstairs and make a mess
Drink beer and watch silly T.V. shows (we do this together too, I guess)
Eat standing up in the kitchen
Eat a bag of popcorn for dinner
Eat meals not at meal time
Never wear make-up (unless going to work)
Make a "cave" in my bed with all the pillows
Sleep in the middle of the bed and spread every limb as far as I can
Sleep on his pillow

The things he doesn't know about me!


List addendum for today:

Things I Love
Crisp fall walks
New haircuts
Piano

Things I Do Not Love
Being chased by bees
Foggy windows in cars
Bad dreams

New 'Do

There's nothing like a new haircut to put a little bounce in your step!

And with a little curl?

Bonkers about Botany

"You might not make it home"

That statement, as alarming as it is, was uttered to me twice this week. First with my car's brake fiasco (which was fixed to the bear minimum for a pretty penny), and secondly yesterday when I took Jason's Subaru (the so-thought more reliable car we own) to the grocery store and the battery didn't start. And, since I had taken both keys to my car (why? Don't ask) Jason couldn't have come to rescue me. Thank goodness for AAA. So, I sat outside in my favorite kind of day - that crisp but still warm late-evening sun fall type of day - and waited for AAA while hoping the shrimp I just bought weren't going to go rancid.

45 minutes later: the alternator is bad. You know, I complained earlier about going into the car places and getting taken advantage of, but after all these encounters this week, that might just be changing. So, my husband being the resourceful jack-of-all-trades kinda guy he is + the wonderful internet = a fixed alternator and battery in oh...an hour. tops. amazing!

However, let me not lead you down the wrong path to thinking this day was in any way not good. In fact, it was the most perfect day and weather I could have asked for. I spent the first part of the morning cleaning and moping my house to death, which is so satisfying I can't even begin to tell you. Then I met my dear friend Candace for lunch and plant shopping in a nursery. Oh, it was so delightful! The perfect day, the perfect surroundings.

There is something about these living things we call plants that speak to my soul like nothing else does. They are little beautiful worlds unto themselves that teach me so much about life, patience, beauty, and myself.


This last one is going in my art studio on top of a cute little table I'm painting orange. Pictures will surely come later.

Adieu, my little elves. I'm off to more gardening and I think I see the blue sky coming out. Hope with me for another brilliant fall day.

"O Autumn, laden with fruit, and stained with the blood of grapes,
pass not, but sit beneath my shady roof; there thou may'st rest,
And tune thy jolly voice to my fresh pipe;
And all the daughters of the year shall dance!
Sing now the lusty song of fruit and flowers."
-William Blake.

Le End of Ze World

while reading Mme.'s blog of Le Countdown, the thing that kept coming to mind was this video. Hope you enjoy it on this weekend day!

Cindy*, you've served me well.

Well, the time has come at last. My faithful little car has given up on me. I have been feeding it brake and clutch fluid to try and keep her alive, but alas all her ailments have proven to overcome.

She didn't exactly die I should clarify. Yet. Upon taking her to the doctor this morning, the prognosis was grim (on my pocket book). She has been whining and screeching for a few weeks now and to relieve her cries it will only cost me a mere $750!! My front brake pads and rotors are shot, plus the back ones aren't going to last much longer either. I was warned not to drive more than 150 miles lest I go to step on my brakes, and oops - not working anymore! Flashes of coming upon rush hour and needing to slam on my brakes when they decide now would be the most appropriate time to give out...pessimist? moi?

So, I am now looking for a car. I hate car things. Just like changing the oil - everything is so expensive and I feel b/c I'm a cute girl that obviously doesn't know anything about them that I am wearing a huge sign that says:

Please take advantage of me!
I am impressed by your use of big vocabulary words that I don't know anything about and will happily give you the better part of this year's income to save my life!

No, I'm not impressed. In fact, I go into every car type place with my eyes shifty and my jaw clenched. "You just try to weasel me into paying more than I should, and watch out! I'll have hell to reign down on you!!"
I think I've actually frightened some men quite well.

And you know the thing that really makes me upset? I live too far away to ride the bus or my bike, which I would have loved to been doing all this time anyways.

Oh, bother. You mean to tell me the universe isn't aligning with me to make my life one easy, nice cake walk? Well, the least that could happen is I get a cute car.


Wouldn't I look just cute as a button in this? Yes, I know I would too. I guess I better start playing the lottery, first just so I can afford to have my brakes done!

*My car's name is Cindy, because she is the exact color of Cindy Crawford's red lipstick.

Suzzie Homemaker

Flower of the day: Crocosmia



Aren't they lovely? I can't get over their color. They just popped up in my garden this year - I'm sure they must have been there last year too, but I they just didn't capture my eye like they did this year.



The yummy peach and blueberry cobblers I made



The starting of my watercolor on the blocks I got for my birthday from my dear friends.

Well, it's off to make Smoked Salmon crepes for mom-in-law and hubby. Yum, can't wait!

List addendum for today:

Things I Love:
Crisp fall walks
The smell of baking things - especially with cinnamon

Things I Do Not Love:
Dog poop
Animal Shelters (I cry every time!)

Busy little bee is me

Is it really only 10am when I am writing this? I love how much I get done when I wake up early. This morning, the blustery wind outside made it easy to wake up when Jason's alarm went off at yawn 6:30. So, so far, I have:

done laundry and folded it and put it away
cut out recipes from my magazines to add to my recipe book
gone through the mail
paid some bills
planned the next two nights meals plus my grocery list
prepared some branches to go up on my wall
had play/snuggle time with Harley
I love days off in the middle of the week! I feel so accomplished by noon! However, these will be changing soon as I'm drum roll, please...I'm starting in the spa! Yes, that's right, friends. Come one, come all to have facials and waxing from your's truly. I am very excited about this. For one, not even a week after I started my training at the spa in which I was currently working, the other illusive spa that hired me back in January - that's right, it's almost September now. Count 'em: 9 long months - just dissolved. poof! Like it never existed.

Anywho (is that one word?), I'm not working today so why are we talking about it? I'm off from here to: go to the gym (given my motivation continues), return a movie, go to the grocery store (one of my favorite things), drop off some clothes at Goodwill, and perhaps find myself at a craft store. Then to come home and bake some peach cobblers, crepes for dinner, and whatever I can get my greedy little oven mits on!

Tata, and may this Wednesday be productive for you as well!

I'll have them all, please!

More summer rain, shorter days, and cooler weather makes my soul claw at my insides for fall. My most favorite season. The colors, the pumpkins, the warm hearty meals after light summer salads, the leaves, but you can't forget: the clothes! Inspired by my dear friends' blog, here is a visual list of fall wishes:

Isn't it made just for me?

I think these might fit perfectly over the perfect pair of skinny jeans.

And this is so cute and feminine - it will look great with my current tan.



Who's that girl in the cute top? Oh, it's me! It's me!

And the ever-continuing hunt for the perfect bag:

This one is cute, but maybe a little too plain


This one also very cute, but perhaps too business-y, don't you think?


I'm starting to notice a theme: LARGE!


This is actually my favorite so far - adorable, no?
And lastly and perhaps leastly - I tried to diverge from the above theme, but I think it's calling me too loudly!

Well, happy fall shopping to you all! Tis the coziest and cuddliest time to shop! Especially with a warm drink in hand and scarf on neck.

Bon Voyage, Niki!

Last night/yesterday was one of those days that the cosmos aligned and 5 friends spontaneously had an amazing time - on a Wednesday! Well, it wasn't entirely spontaneous as we planned a good-bye lunch for dear Niki who left this morning for New York. What a sad day it was. So the rest of us drank! I love the random luncheon that turned into 9 hours of girl time, shots of tequila, buying bright orange pants, getting caught in a wind storm, Thai food, and good conversations.

Niki - we will miss you. But you are only far in distance. Nothing can separate your dearness to our hearts.

Well, I'm off after work to spend a day and few nights at the cabin with my beloved. A much needed retreat away for us both, I think. I'm kind of glad in a way that the weather is supposed to be gloomy. Nothing like cuddling up watching the rain on the ocean in a warm snuggly blanket. Me thinks some watercolors will be in tall order...wonder what the gloom will bring out.

Life of a dog

My Harley - currently sitting in the window watching all the passers-by and dutifully guarding his mum - has a life, I tell you. Here is what his day looks like:

1. wake up with mom and go out to the bathroom
2. stretch and roll and grumble on the carpet in the sun
3. check out the house, make sure it's the same from last night
4. Play ball in the back yard. Poop.
5. Sit under any table mom or dad is sitting at while head is resting in lap, getting pet
6. Sleep
7. Play with toy
8. Go to the dog park, where we: play with ball, play with other dogs, sniff a lot of strange smells, go for a walk, explore the forests, get utterly tired and hot but be too picky to drink out of the water bowls that other dogs have drooled in, poop A LOT
9. Come home and sleep
10. Bark at people passing by. Or neighbors. Go bananas at spotting a squirrel.
11. Eat dinner
12. Drink a crap-load of water
13. beg for food while mom and dad make and eat dinner
14. poop some more
15. eat a bone and/or play with a toy
16. Sleep
17. Dream about chasing said squirrels in yard and wake mom and dad up doing so
18. wake mom and dad up to go to the bathroom.

Oh, to be a dog and the happiest thing I know.

Art Spaces

I love cleansing summer rain. There's something about it that quiets my soul and reminds me that soon (oh, too soon) I will be crawling into hibernation once again.

Don't you love this space? It was my wonderful birthday present from my dear hubby. He knows me all too well, doesn't he? I have already made time have wings sitting here. I love the way the light comes in and I can see the clouds peeking out from the grass eye-level that I have. I feel so cozy and hidden in my little cave. And the best part about it is that during the hot dog days of summer, this room is a cool refuge for both persons and canines alike.

In other news: my teeth are healthy and clean. I love going to the dentist. I know most people would gawk at this statement but I absolutley love the clean tatar-free feeling. And for some reason those chairs are so comfortable, I think I could fall asleep in them every time if it weren't for the open...close...open... I think I would rather have one of those in my living room instead of a lazy boy, wouldn't you?

Today is another brilliant day in Seattle's summer. This week has been lovely (and will hopefully continue to tomorrow) because...tomorrow is my birthday! God knows that this California girl needs her sunshine. Especially on her birthday! I woke up this morning giddy like I was 5 on Christmas morning, and I know I will wake up extra early tomorrow with the same butterflies. I turn into a little girl on birthdays.

However, I will be up a little late tonight picking up my hubby at the airport from his whirlwind trip to the east coast. I enjoy when he travels for this one reason: My house gets clean and stays that way! I spent the better part of yesterday scrubbing my rabbit hole from top to bottom and organizing the heck out of our bedroom. Ahhh...it feels so nice. Hopefully today is another list-checking-off day for tomorrow I

Celebrate!